Full Metal Life Jacket
by Wayward Tempest
Summary: Two souls adrift at sea...A story of love, life,...and limbo contests. All aboard a cruise ship fic! (SquallxRinoa)
1. Prologue

Vacation.   
  
  
  
It's a noun.   
  
  
  
A noun that means leisure time away from work; devoted to rest or pleasure. It's the ultimate escape from the hectic day to day life. The word that everyone is excited to hear. A word associated with fun and relaxation. A word that everyone looks forward to. A word that everyone understands...except of course, for poor workaholic, Squall Leonhart.   
  
  
  
He had never had a vacation in his life that I was ever aware of. His vacation was his work apparently. The very idea of a fun time without a gunblade in hand had eluded this unfortunate soul for far too long I knew. And when the opportunity presented itself I decided that I was going to show Mr. Leonhart a good time, even if it killed me. At the time though I didn't know I would come so close to the latter. I think I need to be more careful about my self-oaths in the future. But, forgive me, I'm jumping ahead of myself. I must start at the beginning.   
  
  
  
Said opportunity presented itself in the form of dogfood. More specifically, a dogfood contest. Yeah, I'm a sucker for contests. I've entered every one that I have come across since I could remember. Because I've always thought, hey, someone has to win, why not me? Well be that optimistic thought as it may, I had never won a damn thing in my entire life. So when I finally did, needless to say, I was a little more than excited that day.   
  
  
  
"Squall!!" I squealed, bursting into his office like a cockatrice with its head cut off. "I won, I won, I won!!!"   
  
  
  
He gave me a baffled look that would have been very similar to the one I would get if I had been said headless cockatrice.   
  
  
  
"Um, I'm...glad?" He said slowly and offered a small smile of congratulations...and then he drops his gaze back to the pile of paperwork on his desk.   
  
  
  
So, I tried again.   
  
  
  
"Well, aren't you even curious as to what I won?"   
  
  
  
"Uh hmm?" He muttered half paying attention to me, scribbling something on a sheet of paper.   
  
  
  
This is nothing new when he is busy. It's okay, I'm persistent.   
  
  
  
I strolled around the desk as he continued working. I paused behind his chair and reached down and wrapped my arms around his neck, my head resting on his shoulder. This tactic didn't work. Not even when I slid my hands inside his jacket and began massaging his chest. He was more far gone than I thought.   
  
  
  
Drastic times call for drastic measures.   
  
  
  
I leaned closer to his head and blew gently in his ear. This got a bit of reaction as it made him shudder a bit. Still, not the response I was looking for. So as seductively as possible I put the tip of my finger in my mouth, turning it a few times to get it good and wet...and then I shoved it in his ear.   
  
  
  
"Ahh!! Dammit!" He yelled as he rubbed his ear vigorously.   
  
  
  
Success!   
  
  
  
He looked up at me with a hot-tempered gaze. "What is it!?!"   
  
  
  
"Hi!" I said cheerfully. " 'It' is me! Rinoa Heartilly, you may remember me from my role as your girlfriend." I said as I sat on his desk in front of him. "The one who loves you much more than this paperwork under my butt."   
  
  
  
His irritable expression faded as his eyes grew soft he reached out and put his hand on top of mine. "Sorry Rin, I didn't mean to ignore you, I've just been caught up in reviewing all these SeeD applications, there's no end to them. It's mind numbingly exhausting."   
  
  
  
"I know baby, and that's why I'm here, I have come to take your mind off all those troubles."   
  
I could actually feel him tense up as redness spread across his cheeks.   
  
"Rinoa, that could get us in a lot of trouble if we got caught in here."   
  
Boys. They have a one track mind don't they ladies?   
  
"Um, no Squall, not that."   
  
"...Oh." I caught the tiniest bit of disappointment in his voice. "You see Squall, Cactuars N' Bits was having this contest..."   
  
"Cactuars n' what?"   
  
"Cactuar N' Bits. It's the dogfood I buy for Angelo. Anyway, there was a contest that you could enter on the bag. The winner gets to take their dog to The Island Closest To Hell for a photo shoot. And I actually won! Can you believe it? My dog's picture is going to be on the next bag of Cactuars N' Bits! Isn't that cool!?"   
  
"Sure is," he said as excitedly as he could muster. You must understand, its very hard to excite this guy.   
  
"But that's not all! Its a vacation package with a four day cruise to the island!"   
  
"Wow, thats great Rin, I'm happy for you. I hope you have a great time."   
  
"And...," I added. This would be the kicker. "I have two tickets!"   
  
"Oh really? That's cool, who are you going to take?"   
  
Again, you must forgive Squall, he doesn't take hints well, you have to spell out everything for him.   
  
I slid off the desk and grabbed his chair and rolled it out from the desk. I kneeled in front of him and put all the saccharin I could into my words.   
  
"Squall, honey, baby, sweetie..." I said while running a hand along his thigh. "I want to take you away, I want you to take a break from all this stuff. I want you to come with me on...a vacation."   
  
I might as well have said I was going to feed him to a T-Rexaur with the expression he gave me.   
  
It was one of horror.   
  
"Va...vacation? Rinoa, I can't leave now, there's too much work to be done here. All these applications have to be reviewed. I have to send out the acceptance letters. I'm sorry you know I'd love to go with you but..."   
  
"But nothing Squall," I said as I put a finger to his lips. "For you see I have planned ahead, I have talked with Cid and he is in complete agreement that you need a vacation! Everything has been arranged. You don't have to worry about any of this stuff, it will be taken care of while you are away with me."   
  
He looked even more frightened. Hah, he was not going to wiggle his way out of this one.   
  
"But...a cruise ship? I really don't think it would be my kind of thing. Shuffle board, bingo tournaments, limbo contests, old men in bad pants...no monsters to kill. I just don't think I could enjoy myself, and I don't want to keep you from having a good time."   
  
Oh, nice try lion boy. Now it's my turn. "Squall, I would make it my duty to make sure that you had fun. C'mon this will be a new experience for the both of us. I've never been on a cruise ship. And I couldn't think of anyone I would rather spend my time with...than with you."   
  
"But.." He countered.   
  
I mustered up some tears for the next bit. "I want to spend time with you. Everything has been so hectic lately...I hardly see you. I understand, I know you have your duties and responsibilities to tend to and I guess I'm just being selfish. But, I want to be with you. I want to get out and see the world and have a little carefree fun for a change...but that would mean nothing, if I couldn't share it with you."   
  
Be aware I escalated the waterworks throughout that entire guilt trip. I concluded my dramatic speech by placing my head against his knee.   
  
"Hey...hey, don't cry." He said as he stroked my hair with his hand. I had won him over! I would be doing a little victory dance later.   
  
He sighed before continuing. "I...I'll go."   
  
"You will?!?" I said as I looked up at him, the quick recovery a little too apparent in my voice.   
  
He smiled. I think he was happy that he made me happy. Either that or he got joy out of seeing me beg him for something.   
  
"Yeah, I will."   
  
"Yes!" I said happily as I stood and wrapped my arms around him. "Thank you! We'll have fun, I promise!"   
  
"Hope you're right," he mumbled against my shoulder.   
  
I hoped so too.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*   
Hi all once again! Just a little but very IMPORTANT note down here! This fanfic has been possible only through the help of my dear friend Ashbear who has given me the title as well as many ideas for this fanfic, as I know little about cruise ships. And she has loaned me Maude McCay from her wonderful fanfic Castles In The Sky (which is a beautiful story that everyone should read...right now! go go go!). Maude will be making her appearance next chapter. Thank you for all your help Ashbear! **hugz** I love you man! I could never have done this without you. 


	2. Day One: Basket Weaving and Bad Food

Day 1   
  
  
  
The dock was lined with people bidding the two of us farewell…well okay, not really lined with people…but our friends were there.   
  
"Wow, I can't believe you convinced him to go somewhere Rinny!" Selphie squealed. "You two are gonna have the best time! I just know it!"   
  
"Yeah, you know how to keep him smilin' the whole trip don't ya Rin? Nudge, nudge, get my drift?"   
  
"Irvine, stop that."   
  
"Hey, I'm just trying to help you out Squall. You gotta plant these ideas in a woman's head and then before you know it…bang! You're lying spread eagle on the bed with your…"   
  
"Irvine Kinneas!!"   
  
"Sorry Selphie."   
  
"Hey bring me back something okay?"   
  
"Of course Zell."   
  
"Yeah like a hotdog keychain or something, that'd be awesome!"   
  
"You two be careful and have a great time."   
  
"Thanks Quistis!"   
  
"Oh!" Selphie said as she came up front with a shopping bag. "Here! Me and Quistis got this for you…um…well…I guess for Squall mostly." She grinned devilishly and exchanged a look with Quistis who gave me a wink. Oh Hyne, what had they done?   
  
"Don't open it until you get on the boat though okay?"   
  
"Sure, um, thanks girls."   
  
"Oh you're welcome…and…you're welcome Squall!" Selphie said as she eyed the fidgeting man behind me.   
  
He turned and looked at her perplexed…apparently he was off in his own little world again. This action appropriately dubbed by our group as a person having a "Squall moment." So we waved goodbye as we began climbing the gangplank. My poor dog had to be sedated and put on board the ship. He hates boats and large quantities of moving water. But before you call the ASPCA I'll have you know that he got his own little doggie suite on board, equipped with a personal doggie sauna, doggie buffet bar, and a doggie waterbed. He slept on the floor.   
  
Squall and I were stopped by security at the top of the gangplank, where the guard gave us, or rather Squall, some devastating news.   
  
"I'm sorry sir, you will have to leave your weapon on shore."   
  
"Excuse me?"   
  
"Your gunblade sir, cannot board this boat."   
  
"But…no…I need it!" He pleaded.   
  
"Weapons are not needed on this trip I assure you sir, it is completely safe."   
  
I swear I thought he was getting ready to cry.   
  
"But…I never leave home without it!"   
  
"No sir, I'm sorry."   
  
"Can I put it in cargo?"   
  
"No."   
  
"Can I tie it to a rope and let it hang off the side of the ship?"   
  
"No."   
  
"Well dammit, what kind of pleasure cruise is this?" He said exasperated.   
  
"One without weapons sir."   
  
At this point Squall was getting pretty close to using his. I said absolutely nothing, because lets face it, no one can come between a man and his gunblade, no one.   
  
At this point Squall tried to lie his precious gunblade on board.   
  
"I um, I need it for medical reasons."   
  
"Medical reasons?"   
  
"Er yeah I have a chronic ingrown toenail." Did I mention Squall could be a terrible liar?   
  
The guard gave him a look.   
  
"I have to have this to trim it…its rather tough for the ordinary toenail clipper."   
  
"Gunblade stays here sir."   
  
"Damn it."   
  
So once again we bid farewell to our friends. This farewell being more tearful because Squall couldn't take his Lionheart. He turned his back to us and quietly kissed the handle of the gunblade and whispered soft and gentle words to it like a mother would say to her child when she was leaving it for a while. He reluctantly handed it to Zell with a menacing promise of pain and agony if he came back and found any dents or scratches on it.   
  
I started to wonder if Squall might need one of Angelo's sedatives.   
  
So I helped Squall by dragging him up the gangplank as he waved to his gunblade, promising he would be back soon. I was going to have to try hard to keep his mind off of killing things for four days. It wouldn't be easy I assure you.   
  
After we cast off the first event on this fun filled cruise was…the lifeboat drill. So we were asked to stand beside our designated lifeboat while wearing an orange life jacket.   
  
"I'm not putting that on."   
  
"Why? What's the problem?"   
  
"It's…orange Rin."   
  
"Uh, yeah, so?"   
  
"Orange will clash with my jacket."   
  
"Oh for Hyne's sake Squall!"   
  
"I can swim just fine."   
  
"Sir," an officer said as he approached us. "Please put on your life jacket, it is a necessary requirement for this drill."   
  
"I don't need it."   
  
"Regardless sir, it is imperative that you put it on." "I'll take my chances with the ocean."   
  
"Sir…"   
  
"I am the commander of SeeD! I know how to swim!!   
  
"Put the damn jacket on Squall," I muttered through my teeth.   
  
Squall sighed and finally complied with the request slipping the orange ugly fashion statement over his head. So he suffered through the lecture, pouting the entire time. When we were finally able to take them off, I heard him release a relieved sigh. I turned and grinned at him mischievously.   
  
"Hey you know Squall, you were right, that thing really did clash awful with that jacket!" I laughed as I began to run.   
  
"Oh, I'm gonna get you for that!" I heard his voice behind me. We were actually starting to have fun until I literally ran smack in to our cruise director.   
  
"Ouch, what'd I hit?"   
  
I heard Squall quickly scuffle to a stop behind me, apprehension now in his foot movements. I opened my eyes to see the cruise director picking herself off the deck.   
  
"I am so sorry ma'am!" I said quickly. "Here let me help you!"   
  
"Thank you dear," she said. "You know, there's lots more exciting things to do on this boat than run around it. What can I sign you two up for?"   
  
I finally was able to get her up and then stand back a bit to see the woman for the first time. She looked to be in her 70s, and she seemed to be going through one of those age denial stages. She had on enough fire engine red lipstick to be a capeless matador in a catoblepas arena. The scary thing was the horrendous amount of cleavage she was showing. Gravity was clearly not on her side. I heard a small gasp of horror coming from Squall.   
  
"You kids gonna gawk all day or can I sign you up for something?" She said as she adjusted her goggle-like sunglasses and took a drag of her cigarette.   
  
"Er…sign us up?" I queried.   
  
"Yeah, I'm the cruise director aboard this tub, name's Maude McCay, I am your host to many exhilarating excitements that await your little signature. So…would you like to hear today's events? Or might your boyfriend here have something else in mind…because honey, I'm very flexible." She winked at Squall who whimpered lightly.   
  
I decided to save him from his predicament. As hilarious as it might have been, I thought perhaps he could 'owe me one' later.   
  
"So what's on the list?"   
  
I heard Squall finally breathe behind me. There was a glimmer of disappointment in the woman's sunglasses.   
  
"Well okay, we have tango lessons in the dance hall…   
  
"That sounds inter--"   
  
"I have a cramp in my leg," Squall said.   
  
"Squall?"   
  
"A limbo contest on the lido deck…"   
  
"Cramp is spreading up through my back."   
  
"Squall, stop it…c'mon we have to do something."   
  
"Skeet shooting that is going to take place on the rear of the boat…"   
  
"I've got a bad case of tendonitis…wait…did you say shooting?"   
  
"No. No shooting!" I said quickly.   
  
"But…Rin…please."   
  
"Someone will get hurt Squall."   
  
"I won't…"   
  
"No. Weapons. Period."   
  
He sighed and looked at the old woman with a glint of childlike excitement.   
  
"Are there live targets?"   
  
"Squall!"   
  
"What? I was just curious."   
  
"Um, please continue ma'am."   
  
She eyed the both of us strangely. "Um, okay, how about shuffle board?"   
  
"Is it a contact sport?"   
  
"What?"   
  
"Like hockey?"   
  
"Um, no dear."   
  
"Your boyfriend has a lot of pent up frustration doesn't he?" She looked at me with a bit of sympathy.   
  
"You have no idea." "Well here's just the thing! How about a relaxing massage and pedicure…she looked at him slyly…I have my masseuse license."   
  
"Next!" He panicked.   
  
I turned to Squall and hissed in a threatening tone. "Squall Leonhart, we are taking the next thing on this list or so help me…you will be getting 'pampered' by the old lady!"   
  
"Yes Rin."   
  
Yes folks, there are some things even the mighty Squall Leonhart is terrified of.   
  
"Ma'am?" I said before Squall could protest again. "Just sign us up for whatever's next on the list. That'll be fine." I smiled at her sweetly.   
  
Her dentures gleamed in the shimmering sunlight as she grinned. "Basket weaving it is."   
  
Oh hyne. Damn my judgement…damn it damn it damn it.   
  
****   
  
"Damn it! I pricked my finger…again." Not that it really hurt any more…it felt pretty numb now. Did I mention artsy things weren't my best forte?   
  
I looked over at Squall who had his back turned to me working furiously.   
  
"What do you think Squall?" I asked as I held up my creation.   
  
He turned to look.   
  
"Oh! Cool bird's nest Rin." It's…supposed to be Angelo," I sighed.   
  
"Oh…Oh!" He said quickly, trying to retrace his words. "Oh! I see it now, when I turn it this way…oh yeah, looks just like him."   
  
I sighed again. "So what did you weave?"   
  
"Well, its not much," he said reaching down to get his art project. "Yours looks so much better."   
  
He pulled out an exact replica of his gunblade, beautifully weaved out of the sticks and twigs. It was a miraculous duplicate, even a weaved griever swung from the end of the handle. Hell, if you fired the thing, little thorns would shoot out the end of it.   
  
Sometimes the guy's abilities could just make me sick.   
  
"Wow, that's great Squall!"   
  
Squall blushed a little and swung the blade back and forth. I couldn't help but be proud, regardless that he probably thinks more of that darn gunblade than me. I actually thought his face light up with pure happiness. That is, until the security officer walked by.   
  
"I'm sorry sir," he said. "No weapons on board." He took the gunblade from Squall's hands and with a powerful force…he broke it in half and threw it overboard.   
  
I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to quell Squall's urge to kill.   
  
***   
  
"Squall, I know your angry…but really, it'll be okay, you can make one tomorrow." I looked across the table at my sulking knight.   
  
He said nothing staring at the pristine tablecloth at our corner booth as our waitress approached with the drinks we'd ordered from the bar.   
  
"So what'll you have kids?" Came a familiar smoker's voice.   
  
"Maude?"   
  
"Yeah?"   
  
"Er…you're part of the wait staff too?"   
  
"Honey, I'm a part of every staff on this tugboat. A girl's gotta make a livin' somehow. I'm the cruise director, waitress, shuffle board referee, ship maintenance, security officer, hell I do everything but drive the damn boat! Oh, I also clean the rooms…so be careful what you leave in the floor sweet stuff." She winked at Squall who suddenly blanched white.   
  
She cleared her throat before continuing. "So…what can I get you this evening? You have an appetite on you dark and handsome?"   
  
"Uh…I'll have a hotdog," Squall stuttered. "Um…with everything."   
  
"Squall!" I protested.   
  
"What?"   
  
"A hotdog? Dear Hyne! We're on vacation! Don't you want to try something a little more exotic?"   
  
"Well it's got everything on it."   
  
I sighed heavily.   
  
"Oh fine…make it two hotdogs with everything Ms. McCay." He said.   
  
I put my head in my hands. "You rebel you." I droned.   
  
I looked back down at the menu, I for one was going to try something different, I had certainly had my fill of Balamb cafeteria food.   
  
"Er…the grilled jelleye in peanut-almond-macadamia glaze…is that any good?"   
  
"Don't know honey," she replied. "I don't eat anything with more than two eyes."   
  
"Eww…the eyes come with it?"   
  
"Oh no, it's a flank steak I believe, tender and grilled to perfection. It looks and smells wonderful, but I have my old woman principles to uphold."   
  
"Alright then, I'll try that."   
  
She nodded and said she would return in a few minutes. In the meantime I stared at the fascinating dining room. Elegant tapestries adorned the ceiling with beautiful chandeliers that shimmered like a thousand diamonds. Large aquariums full of kaleidoscopic fish adored the walls around us. In the middle of the room was a great dance floor with a marbled floor much like the one at Balamb. A sigh escaped my lips as I reminisced in romantic memories. I wondered if it had the same effect on Squall. I turned to meet his eyes.   
  
He was playing with the little plastic gunblade that came in his drink.   
  
Men.   
  
With surgical accuracy he was decapitating the cherry that had been speared in his cocktail. I wasn't going to give up on him…not yet.   
  
"Having fun Squall?"   
  
He looked up from his handywork slightly embarrassed. "Er…yeah…well not with…"   
  
I unsheathed my tiny plastic gunblade from its pineapple chunk holster and then held it menacingly towards him.   
  
"Wanna duel?" I smiled.   
  
He smiled back. God it drives me crazy when he smiles.   
  
"Yeah, okay."   
  
So we became the center attraction that evening acting like idiots as the rest of the snobby dining patrons. The upper class looked on at us in disgust, annoyance…and a few of them in horror as we loudly fought our duel and laughed hysterically poking each other's fingers with the plastic weapons…it was truly the most fun we had experienced so far.   
  
We laughed until we were out of breath and two plates of food landed in front of us.   
  
"You two enjoy!" Maude exclaimed.   
  
The jelleye was extravagantly presented on the platter in front of me, and the aroma emanating from it was heavenly. I looked over to Squall's meager hotdogs.   
  
"I still can't believe you'd pass up something like this for two tubes of pork byproducts in buns. C'mon and live a little Squall, this is all free!"   
  
"But…I like hotdogs," he replied smoothly as he picked up one. "I know they're good because it's pretty hard to screw up a hotdog, and therefore, there will be no surprises on my plate."   
  
"You…are so exciting sometimes," I said tiredly. "Well we'll see who has the better meal here, but frankly I'm afraid you'll lose this round bucko, because this looks completely awesome. Don't be asking me to share either, because I'll be enjoying this all to myself."   
  
  
  
  
  


_One hour later, leaning over the Veranda deck _   
  
  
  
"Oh…god…this is horrible, I can't remember the last time I was ever this sick."   
  
"Thanks for not sharing with me Rinoa," He said in that monotone voice I hate.   
  
"Shut up Squall!" I wheezed as the cold sweat ran down my face. "Ugh…oh hell…hold my hair…I'm going to have to lean over the railing again."   
  
Okay…we're gonna fast forward through this because I'm sure you didn't read all this way to hear descriptive details of me tossing my cookies. Besides it's painfully embarrassing enough as it is. Ah, I see we're in agreement, thanks for understanding.   
  
So the night activities were pretty much out of the question as he helped me back to our room. After I spent a few minutes composing myself and getting that horrible taste out of my mouth I collapsed onto the bed where I was greeted with a sickening back and forth movement. At first, I thought I was passing out…then I heard the sloshing, and actually felt myself turn green.   
  
"Why for the love Cerebus' three heads would they put a waterbed on a cruise ship!"   
  
"Cool…a waterbed. I've never slept on one before." Squall sat down on the other side, causing a tidal wave of movement beneath me.   
  
"Please…" I begged. "Don't do that."   
  
"Whoa! This is so weird."   
  
He moved the bed again…were I not fighting the urge to gag with all my strength, I would have thrown him off.   
  
"Squall…I'm begging you…"   
  
"Oh! I'm sorry, the movement is making you nauseous isn't it?"   
  
"Yes, genius."   
  
"I'm sorry," He said sincerely, "Anything I can get for you?"   
  
"No, I just need sleep now," I said as I rolled slowly over onto my side.   
  
"Alright…that's cool…um, so I guess…that…you know…fooling around…is..er…out of the question?"   
  
I didn't answer him. It was too hard to manage coherent words at that point.   
  
He reached over and started running his hand along my shoulder…causing yet more movement of that god-awful bed.   
  
"Squall," I said softly.   
  
"Yeah?" His voice cracked a bit.   
  
"Don't touch me!"   
  
"Oh…right…sorry. Um, goodnight then."   
  
"Goodnight."   
  
Finally…sleep was on its way.   
  
"Uh…Rin?"   
  
"Whhaattttt?" I groaned.   
  
"I…I love you."   
  
I melted. It was music coming from his lips, each time he said it I turned into mush at the sweet sincerity that came through his voice, I could just…wait a minute…I knew where this was going…   
  
"I said NO Squall!"   
  
"Okay," he sighed in defeat.   
  
"And…I love you too."   
  
  
  



	3. Day Two: The Dog Days of Ping-Pong Hell

Day 2 

The dawn came upon our little boat like a stealthy predator.  The sun rose up from the depths of the sea, causing the illusion like that of a million shimmering diamonds breaching the surface of the water.  The sky glowed with hues of red and orange while oceanic birds sing their praises to the morning and chattering dolphins jumped playfully alongside the boat.  Yes, truly, this was a beautiful sight indeed…if you happen to be one of those 'morning people.'

That damn sun beamed through our porthole window with the intensity of Bahamut's mega flare.  I whined pitifully and tried to turn away, only to find that I was pinned down.  I nearly panicked as the light took away all my vision and I suddenly became blind and pinned down.  I was almost ready to thrash and throw whatever it was off of me when my eyes adjusted, and I saw Squall.

His arm was draped over my stomach and hung limply off the side of the bed.  His head was resting on my chest as he snored softly. His mouth stood agape and his hair was all ruffled like an unruly chocobo.  I swear sleeping is about the only time the adjective 'adorable' can go along with Squall Leonhart in the same sentence. Trust me, I know from many experiences staying in his dorm.  Um wait, no one is supposed to know that.  Shit.  Me and my big mouth.  Well, you can keep a secret can't you?  Oh of course you can. Silly me.

Anyway where was I? Oh yeah, Squall.  It's rare that he ever has that look of pure contentment on his face. One instant being sleeping of course…the other…well…um never mind. In those instances there were no scowls or pouty faces. It was just blissful peace. Oh it was so tempting to wake him up, he'd definitely die of embarrassment in this position, I just know it. Don't get me wrong now, Squall is very capable of being a sweet guy, and he does smile, it's just that it doesn't occur that often.  But that doesn't make me love him any less, and hey, I'm working on him.

I could have stayed there and watched him for hours but…he was drooling all over my nightshirt.  It was best to get up before I ended up drowning.  I decided to go see how my water phobic dog was doing.  I carefully slid out from underneath him, which was accomplished with the grace of a drunken ruby dragon and I hit the floor with a thud.  This did not stir the ever vigil Mr. Leonhart.  Which a part of me was glad that maybe perhaps he was finally starting to relax.  The other part of me was whining for help off of the floor.  My head was killing me.

I ran a hand through my hair, put on a pair of shorts and walked out the door. I proceeded onto the deck where I met up with the aristocratic bunch. They gawked and gasped at my slovenly appearance and attire.  They could bite me, I was on vacation damn it.  

Angelo's room was twice the size of ours with plush carpeting and that gold leaf wallpaper.  He was sitting in his Estharian armchair when I walked in.  He stared at me with that 'oh I'm happy to see you, but I won't wag my tail or come to you because I'm thoroughly pissed' look. 

"Hey Angelo!"  I said in my most saccharin doggie talk voice. "How are you this mornin'?"

He jumped off of the chair and dropped on the floor and whined like this was the worst thing that had ever happened to him.  And it was all my fault.  

"Oh c'mon, it can't be that bad, this is a regular palace you're staying in!"

He chuffed and rolled his eyes.  That's the problem with smart dogs, like smart people they are blessed with an insane amount of attitude. Training was a bitch, trust me.

I walked over and sat beside him and pushed him over so to give him a peace offering in the form of a belly rub.  No dog will pass that up, no matter how pissed off he is at you.  He sighed contentedly as I ruffled the fur on his neck and scratched that little spot on his stomach that makes his back leg spin into overdrive.  

I stopped and looked him in the eyes.  "So are we friends again?"

He rose up and licked my hand as if to ask why I stopped.

"Wanna go outside and have a look around?"

He gave me a fearful look and tucked what little tail he had under at the mention of the word 'outside.'

"It'll be fine, I promise.  The ocean is very far below us and there's plenty of railing to keep you from falling into it."

He tried to hide his face in his paws.

Apparently, this would take a different coaxing approach.

^~^~^~^~^~

"I swear, I'm not carrying you all over this boat Angelo," I groaned as I tried to put him down on the deck. "How can I put this as gently as possible?  You're too heavy!" We looked like an episode of Scooby Doo.  He whined and tried to climb further up onto my shoulders, thus causing me to lose my balance.  We both collapsed onto ship with an overly loud thud.  He howled as if he had been tossed into a lake of hot lava.  This caused raised eyebrows in the passersby.

"Oh stop it," I said as I picked myself up.  "Honestly, I don't understand how you can stand up to a two ton behemoth and then be such a baby over a little salt water."

He gave me a look that seemed to say, "_A little? A little?!?  Listen woman, I am surrounded by miles and miles of liquid terror, don't you dare try to make light of this situation!"_

Maybe I understand my dog a little too well.  I don't know.

Suddenly he turned and his expression seemed to change completely.  The fear in his eyes was suddenly overcome by something else.  I followed his gaze.  A few feet ahead of us stood Maude McCay.  She waved and smiled that big denture gleaming smile of hers as she approached.  I started to wave when I realized what was resting underneath her other arm.

Oh Hyne no.  Please no.  But it was.  Yes, the only thing that could possibly take my dog's mind off of his water phobia.

"Rinoa!  How are you today dearie? Have you met my little Cocoa-Nut?  Isn't she the prettiest little kitty cat you've ever seen?"

"Heel Angelo, heel Angelo, heel, heel, heel."  I repeated over and over under my breath as I put on a sweet 'I give a damn about your cat' smile.

"Oh isn't she gorgeous?" I said as I reached out and tried to pet the prissy furball.  She hissed violently.  I quickly withdrew my hand before it came back with a few digits missing.

"Aww look at that!  She likes you!"

Yeah right.  That thing was evil, I didn't need sorceress powers to tell me that. There was a demonic presence in those icy blue Siamese eyes.  It's tail twitched with malice.

I heard a low growl emanating from the dog at my side.  My control over him was faltering.  Steady boy, I thought to myself, we'll try to make as quick of a get away as possible.

"Here doll, can you hold her for just a second?"  She said as she took her cigarette case from her straw stitched purse.  "I swear if I don't get my nicotine fix I'm going to keel over right here and now."  Yes, yes we all realize the irony in that statement.

"Oh, um Mrs. McCay, I really don't think…"

  
"It's Maude dear," She said as she handed me the longhaired evil. "Thank you, you're such a sweetheart."

"Uh…no…problem," I sighed.  She turned her back to us as she fiddled with her lighter. The thing began to rumble in my arms.  Too bad it wasn't purring.  It stared up at me and flashed an evil grin full of pointy teeth.  I closed my eyes tightly for fear of having them clawed out. A minute or so later I peeked over to Maude, wondering how it could take this long to light a cigarette.  I saw her leaning over the railing looking out at the ocean.  Apparently on her second cigarette now. I am now almost certain she was the inventor of chain smoking.

Angelo licked his chops and growled again.  The cat looked down and growled back before beginning to drive its claws deeper into my arm.

"Mrs. Mc..er I mean Maude," I whimpered.  "I really think you should come take Cocoa-Nut now, she doesn't seem to be too fond of me or my dog here."

"Oh nonsense!" she said as she looked over at me from her shoulder.  "My Cocoa-Nut absolutely adores dogs."

Yes, and she was adoring herself right into my flesh!  I gritted my teeth to fight the pain as I felt the blood begin to trickle down my arm.  Upon smelling said blood, Angelo diverted from his obedience training and took action.  I was in danger and he decided he would save his master by doing the worst thing he could possibly do.  He lunged at the cat and barked.

This caused an unsettling and painful sequence of events.  The first was the cat leaping onto my face.  This lead to me screaming, thereby causing Angelo to go ballistic and jump on me trying to get to the cat.  Which caused me to fall…and that was only the beginning.

"My baby!" I heard Maude shriek as the cat let go of my face and ran off full throttle like a mad sprinter.  I groaned as four dog feet trampled over me in hot pursuit.  "Get that mongrel away from my angel!"  Maude began to run after them, coughing and hacking the entire way. After I lay there for a moment I mumbled something that is too offensive to repeat, picked myself up and followed the trio in a limping trot.

The breakfast buffet on the lido deck was quickly dispersed with many shrieks and cries and breaking of dishes.

_"Waiter! There's a cat in my eggs benedict!"_

_"Mon Dieu! My soufflé!"_

_"Look at the pwetty puppy mama!  Can I keep it?"_

_"Oh my God!"___

_"My new shoes! Gerald!  I have oatmeal on my new satin shoes!"_

_"Incoming!"_

_ "Shit!  This was my best breakfast buffet suit damn it!"_

_"You see this Henry?  This is why you can't have a dog."_

They made one trip on top of the buffet table by the time I reached the deck yelling and whistling for Angelo.  The large bowl of fruit spilled across the deck straight into the shuffle board tournament.  One of the participants mistook a grape fruit wedge for a puck.  A foul was called that resulted in an all out brawl big enough to rival any hockey game.

I continued on after them.  I was able to make out the directions they were taking from Angelo's consistent barking and Maude's insistent yelling.  Then there were of course the tale-tale signs from the chaos they left in their wake.  As fate would have it there were many breakable events going on that morning.  The exotic ice sculpture demonstration for instance.   The Convention of the Purveyors of Fine China, the Glass Expo, the champagne glass stacking competition, and the knitting club to name a few more.  Yeah, the vacation was now no longer a free one.  I guess what they say is tru…what?  The knitting club? What about it?  Oh, breakable, yeah well there were a lot of fragile hips in that room.

I ran outside along the walkway and banged repeatedly on our room's door in hopes of waking the sleeping lion up for assistance.

"Squall!  I could use some help!!  Angelo is trying to eat Mrs. McCay's cat and it's a war zone out here!"

Silence.

"They've really messed up a lot of stuff out here…I'm sure I'll be paying out of my pocket for all this."

Not a creature was stirring inside.  I tried turning the doorknob.  It was locked of course, and I didn't have the key.

"Or I could put it on your SeeD credit card…because I do have that handy here…"

Whether he reacted to that statement or not I couldn't wait around to see as I heard Angelo let loose a howl of terror.

I caught up with them poolside with my dog hanging off the edge of the diving board with the ball of fluff sitting proudly above him grooming herself with the greatest of care.

"Angelo, hold on!" I said as I made my way around to them.  The cat took it upon herself to bat at his nose during this time, gloating in her triumph.  The pleading look on dog's face did little to earn the cat's mercy.  She began bouncing on the board.  Yeah, I didn't know they were that maliciously clever either.  Angelo howled again as his grip gave way and he hit the water with a loud splash.

"Swim Angelo!" I cried from the water's edge.  "Dog paddle!"  I tried to mimic the movements.

And dear Angelo with his natural instincts taking over…sank like a stone.

Damn it.

I jumped in after him, picking him up from the pool's bottom.  He struggled to cling tighter to me as we surfaced, which alas made swimming much more difficult. After much splashing and choking I made it to the ladder and dragged my stiff as rigor mortis dog out of the water.  He coughed and shook with horror.

"I could kill you, you know that?"  I said as I fell onto my back and looked him in the face.  He looked back at me with big brown sad eyes and licked me on the nose.  

"Stop trying to plea bargain."

His little nub of a tail began to wag furiously.

There is no winning with dogs.

I staggered away from the pool dripping from head to toe and keeping the soggy mutt close beside me.

"Oh my God are you alright?"  I saw Maude running at us up ahead.

"Yes we're fine Mrs. M--"  She didn't even notice us as she sped past us in a hot pink slacks blur.

I glanced behind to see her scoop that spawn of Diablo's cat and hug it tightly. 

I sighed and grabbed Angelo by the collar and dragged his shivering form across the deck.  We were the subjects of many an evil stare and explicit statements before we made it back to the room.  Whereupon I called on a small explosive spell with enough kick to tear the steel bolted hinges from the door.  It fell with a loud clang.

I looked through the dust and debris for the outline of Squall.  Death was the only excuse I was willing to take from him.  He was sitting in the breakfast nook staring up at me with a slight look of horror…playing triple triad.  His triple triad opponent gave a slight squeak and twitched one of its long ears.

"Uh…hey…hey Rin."  Squall said nervously.  "You two been out for a morning swim?"

I stared holes into his head.  "I could have used your help Squall."

"Huh? When?"

"Oh just a few minutes ago…when I was pounding on the door and screaming for help!"

"Oh shit, that was you? I thought it was housekeeping…or more precisely…Mrs. McCay."

I felt the heat of the fireball as it formed within my hand.

"Honest to Hyne's truth Rin, I didn't know it was you!"

I watched as he continued to lower himself further beneath the table.  It was fun to watch him squirm.

"Well…you see we were having an intense card game and really its not a good idea to leave this guy alone with the cards…because he's a dirty thief!"

His opponent chattered with rage.

"I was in trouble Squall!  Where's the protection? Don't you have one of those tingling knight senses when danger is near or something?

"Um…no Rin that's Spiderman."

"Whatever. You know, I can't believe you brought a GF on our vacation!"

"But it's just Carbuncle.  He's small and fits into most overhead compartments, and from my experience it's always handy to keep one around for emergencies."

"Triple Triad is an emergency?"

"Sometimes…yes, yes it is."

Carbuncle gave a triumphant squeak and threw down a card he had been holding and flipped the remainder of Squall's cards over on the table.

"What?!?"  Squall screamed in rage. "You cheating bastard!!!"

The furry GF screeched and made clicking noises, pounding his little green paw on the table in his defense.

"Don't give me that crap you little cretin, that was an illegal move and you know it!"

The ruby on the rabbit-like cretin… I mean creature's head began to glow.

"What do you mean not by the rules you were playing by?  We were playing standard rules! I told you that!"

Carbuncle growled and bared his teeth.

"Come here you little--"

Before Squall could grab him a bright light filled the room.  When it cleared Squall was on the ground choking himself.

"Rinoa…" he wheezed.

Oh, I would have helped…really…but I was too busy staring at…um…a spot on the ceiling.

~^~^~^~^~^~^~

Later that day after Squall had recovered from his asphyxiation, we went out on the deck to see how the rest of them had fun.  Once again, I was dragging a heavy load across the boat.

"Rin I look like a moron in these swim trunks!"

"Yeah, well you look like one without them too." I muttered. Actually that's so far from true, but I was upset darn it.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"There you kids are! I've been looking all over for you!"  Maude huffed as she approached us at a staggering speed for her age.

"Save me Rin!" Squall hissed as he jumped behind me.

"Oh you big baby," I said.  "You'll fight an arena full of T-Rexaurs but you're scared to death of one little old lady."

"Yeah well she's old enough to have been frisky with the T-Rexaurs when they were hatchlings.  They have life spans of hundreds of years Rin…hundreds of years!"  
  


I rolled my eyes at his incoherent babbling and gave my sweetest smile as Maude came to a grinding halt in front of us.

"Hey Maude what's up?"

"I forgot to tell you that I signed you two up for the Ping-Pong tournament that's been going on all day.  You two have made it to the finals!"

"How…how is that possible?"

"Well, by not showing up, you two managed to do better than any of the other teams against our reigning champions."

"You're…you're kidding right?"

"Listen honey, I don't run clear across the lido deck to tell someone a joke, that's just not how I want to seep away five minutes of my life."

"Sorry.  But how is it remotely possible that we have advanced to the finals without even lifting a ping-pong paddle?!?"

"Well see, technically you are the only team that isn't in the infirmary at the moment."

"Oh my God, they put them in the infirmary?"

"Yeah…well all but the one player who was hit in the head by that stray shuffle board puck."

"People are getting sent to the infirmary for playing ping-pong?  Isn't that one of the safest sports one can play?"  This was beginning to scare me.

"I suppose it is.  But you see the reigning champions are graduates of the _John McEnroe School of Tennis and Ping-Pong.  So um, they are a little quick to anger.  Try not to do anything to upset them. For instance no name-calling.  Do not make direct eye contact.  Don't breathe in their general direction."_

"Sounds like a couple of tough guys," Squall said from behind me.

"No, no they're girls."

"Girls?" Squall laughed. "You've got to be kidding!"

"Hey! Girls can be tough!" I said.

"Yeah, whatever."

"Oh, please. Girls don't stand a chance in any sport against a guy who hasn't had a hip replacement."

"Excuse me?"

"What I didn't say anything!"

"No, but you thought it!"

"What?  You were reading my mind again?  Rinoa, we agreed you wouldn't read my mind anymore!"

"I couldn't help it! It…um…slipped!"

"Yeah right.  Tell me another one!"

"It did! And you know, I wouldn't read it if I knew I could trust that ignorant male mind of yours!"

"Oh yeah?  Well read this!"  He sneered.

"Squall!" I gasped. "That was so mean!"

"Um, kids," Maude interrupted.  "I hate to break up your lover's spat, but they are waiting for you in the ping-pong arena.  You two can settle you're argument there."

"This'll be a piece of cake," Squall said, his competitive spirit soaring.  One could easily see he was dying for some sort of action, even if it was ping-pong. "We will beat them no problem, thanks to me!" He jumped out from behind me and raised his arm in triumph.

Maude looked him up and down before she gave a wolf whistle.  "Nice trunks," she said referring to his chocobo printed swim trunks that I got him last year for his birthday.  Hey don't look at me like that, they were on sale. 

Squall flushed and tried to cover up Mr. Chocobo.  No, not that!  The print on his shorts you pervert!

Entering the so-called arena, it was clear to see our opponents had a following.  You know one of those chanting, war-paint wearing, obnoxiously loud followings.

"Squall I think we should get out of here.  These people look vicious."

"Oh don't be silly Rinoa, these are the usual attendants to a sporting event."

"Oh Hyne! I think that guy just bit the head off of a seagull!"

I couldn't help but notice the splatters of blood on the table as we approached.  This wasn't going in the _"vacation o' fun" scrapbook.  I could feel it._

"Squall, I think you should know, I'm allergic to pain!"

"Oh Rin of little faith, you've got me on your team.  What could you possible be afraid of?"  

"Dying."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Stop doing that!" 

The crowd parted and we were suddenly face to face with our opponents.  I was expecting them to be about forty feet tall or so, breathing fire, enormous claws.  Hey, Maude didn't say they were human.  

But no….it was worse.

They had matching bowling shirts with crossed ping-pong paddles embroidered on the back! 

 Yeah I know, I'm a sucker for playing up the drama. Sue me.  Their entrance was met with the roar of the crowd as they removed their Ray-Ban sunglasses and paraded around the ring like a couple of Galbadian monkeys. Their reputation seemed to elude them.  Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. The announcer jumped on the table and began his overly excited introduction.

"Ladies and Cabana Boys! Let's get ready to Ping-Pong!!"  Yes, that definitely has to be in the book of "The Lamest Statements of All Time."  Nevertheless it drove the crowd wild.  "In this corner," he continued. "Our reigning champions of the pong, the paddle goddesses themselves, Nicole Ping of the Nile and Kristine the Pong-in-ator!"

Oh my God…Sorry, those names still make me say that to this day

"Oh my God," Squall droned.  See, I told you.

"And in this corner! Fresh meat…Rinoa Heartilly and Squeal Leonhart!"

"That's SQUALL Leonhart!"  

"Oh sorry about that…I mean Scald Leonhart!"

"Squall! Like the sudden and _violent storm!"_

"Violet? Violet Leonhart?" 

"Let go of me Rin, I'm going up there to kill him."

"Easy there tiger, calm thy violent stormyness."

Meanwhile tweedle ping and tweedle pong were performing some sort of weird rituals over their paddles in preparation for battle.  Really…I didn't think ping-pong was that popular.

"Geez, what a couple of geeks," Squall said.  Fine time for him to be speaking his mind.

"Excuse me?  Did you say something chocobo briefs?" One of them threatened.

"Don't bother with them Nicole," the pong-in-ator said. "Let your paddle do the talking."

"Yes, you're right Kristine."  Nicole raised her paddle and waved it in front of Squall like a puppet in front of a child.  "You're going down Squawk!" she said in a weird high-pitched voice.

"That's better," Kristine said.

We picked up our paddles as the sounding foghorn signaled round one.  The Pong-in-ator served the first ball, which made a line drive and popped off the bridge of my nose.  Who knew ping-pong balls could hurt a person so much.

"Ow! My nose!"

"Hit it with the paddle! The paddle!" Squall yelled.  He was getting way too in to this.

"Shut up Squall! I tried!  I think my nose is bleeding."

"Suck it up soldier we're pressing onward to victory!"  Oh great, military flashbacks.

The next serve bounced onto Squall's side to which he immediately backed away and held his hands up.

"What are you doing Squall?!?"

"What? It was out!"

"You half-wit! This isn't tennis!  It's only out if the ball flies over the table!"

"Well why didn't anyone bother explaining the rules?!?"

"Because the rules are pretty damn self explanatory in ping-pong!" 

"Don't use the snide tone with me Rinoa, you know I can't stand that!"

"Oh reaallyyy?"

"Stop it!"

Meanwhile, the wonder-pong twins were dying with laughter.

"Well at least I don't try to hit the ball with my face!"

"Well you know we are now losing this piece of cake _thanks to you!  Please Squall lets face it, your ping-pong abilities are about as advanced as your social skills!"_

"Oh look who am I?" He said as he pranced around in front of me holding his nose.  "Ow my nose, ow my nose, ow my nose!"

That's it Squid! I've had enough!  I summoned up an electrical charge in my hand and threw it at him.  With lightning fast reflexes he shifted his paddle and reflected it across the table where it hit our opponents who were previously enjoying watching our argument over popcorn and sodas.

"Rinoa! Look what you did?"

"Me? You're the one that reflected it!"

"And the winner's by elimination, Rinoa and Squeak!" The announcer yelled.  The crowd was speechless. The Ping of the Nile and the Pong-in-ator were out cold.

"It's Squall dammit, Squall!!!"

"We won?" I said in disbelief.  "We won?!?!"  

I screamed in delight as I ran up and wrapped my arms around Squall's neck.  He hugged me back tightly. "I can't believe it!"

"I told you Carbuncle was handy."  He said.  Somehow that statement brought us both to our knees in a laughing fit.  

~^~^~^~^~^~

Later that evening there was a ceremony and luau on the veranda in our honor.  The former champions now wrapped in bandages, kneeled before us both and presented us with the championship paddles.  

"I'm really sorry about the whole jolt of electricity thing you guys…really sorry." I cringed.

"S'alright," said Nicole. "It happens."

"Yeah, its okay, we're just extras, we're used to it," Kristine added.

I have no idea what they were talking about, obviously the uh 'shock' had yet to wear off.

"Congratulations you kids!"  Maude said as she approached. "I knew you could do it!  Here you go! I sewed them myself!"

"Cool!" Squall said. "Bowling shirts!"

"Not just any bowling shirts, these are your new titles."

And with that friends, from that day onward…until two weeks later when we lost the title, I Rinoa Heartilly wielded a ping-pong paddle as the great Pongzilla, and many a ping-pong ball cowered before the almighty Squall Leonhart, The Lord of the Pings!

Yeah I know, it's the overacting thing again. I've really got to stop doing that.

^~^~^~^~^~^~

Much apologies for the delay in getting this chapter written!  I promise the next one won't take as long! *knocks on wood *  Once again, I must thank my dear amiga Ashbear for her wonderful input and advice and of course character rights to one Maude McCay!  Um..Ashbear, you'll come pick her up soon won't you?  She's trying to redecorate the basement…I'm frightened…it smells like mothballs.

One little last note as I must shamelessly plug Ashbear and I's  fic-in-progress Somewhere In Between, in which we have just added chapter 3! Check it out if you wish at: 

http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=889825   

Thanks again to everyone for reading! Ciao for now!


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